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Rules are not capable of providing insight into actions, for they are not insight. A family near my home, who was fundamentalist Christian, had a sign in its front yard with the Ten Commandments. Yet, the Gospel of Jesus never advocates living based on any set of Commandments. External standards cannot assess internal motivations. Relying on only what we can see through what others have said is right or wrong, this leads us away from compassion. Finally, we not only mete out unjust criticism, spoken outwardly or cherished silently within, but, more, we set ourselves up as the infallible judge of others.
A passage in the Christian Scriptures, I Peter3.8, says...
And finally, all of you be harmonious, sympathetic, showing mutual affection, compassionate, humble,...
We cannot give these lovely qualities to anyone else; yet, we can nurture them within ourselves. Graciousness can flourish in us, and we may be surprised at how our feelings toward someone transform into a sympathetic tenderheartedness. We may, then, feel the weight of our ill-thinking toward another to lift from us. Then, we enjoy the gift of being in the Garden, imbibing the nectar of the Light.
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This change toward another occurred within me after I left the church ministry. Prior, I had been assigned to serve as pastor of a church that had a sizeable group of fundamentalists, and I was a progressive. A conflict ensued that left the church split; it arose primarily over my refusal to speak against gays and lesbians. One man set himself up as the preacher of a group that splintered off from the congregation. This group, much smaller than those who remained, continued to seek to undermine my work, hoping I would be removed or have to leave due to lack of funds. For years afterward, I could not release ill-feelings for this man. One day in silence, suddenly, there arose loving affection for him. This change surprised me. I had not struggled to rid myself of the resentment, for I knew that would not work. Hidden by the cloud of resentment toward this man, the Sun of Love had remained shining. Why this Sun shone through on this day, after those years, I cannot say: I can only say "Grace." Now, in remembering him, I feel love for him. I cannot say I like or dislike him, but I love him.
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So, while you can feel the release of criticism toward someone, this does not mean you must like the person or his or her behavior. Yet, being with the dislike, not trying to like or dislike the person, can unveil a gift.
Once, a follower was upset at thoughts of his intense dislike of another follower in the community. He believed this to be wrong. He disclosed this to the Sage, "When I go into silence, my mind keeps churning thoughts about how much I don't like him and what he's done that I disapprove of." "Very good," said the Sage, "that's good news." The man asked, "What's the good news?" "For," said the Sage, "your strong dislike of him is the other side of your love for him. If you didn't love him so much, you wouldn't dislike him so much." "Then what am I to do?" "In silence, see the thoughts and feel what accompanies them. Don't try to like him. Don't try to love him. In time, the dislike in the love will become only the love."
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©️ Brian Wilcox, 2020
*Brian can be contacted at briankwilcox@gmx.com; his book, An Ache for Union: Poems on Oneness with God through Love, is available through major online booksellers, including Amazon and Books-A-Million, or via the publisher, AuthorHouse.
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